My life is a series of ridiculous, over the top, unlikely stories. I’ve confronted a neighbor on meth whose reply to me was, “The shadow people are coming.” As a kid, I was chased down by a teenager in a car who, in his own words, was hell-bent on killing us. The first time I ever got into college happened because several people decided to donate a total of about $12,000. I have an uncanny knack for getting cat-called by people 20-30 years my senior (I guess I would’ve been a smash hit in the 80’s). I’ve been stared down by a middle aged woman in Dominoes, flirted with in an old folk’s home, and basically cat-called in every downtown area I’ve hung out in.
The weirdest part about all of this is that no matter who I tell, nobody thinks twice about any of it. The weirdest part to me is that nobody questions me when I say I’ve been harassed in various places. Maybe it’s because I laugh it off. I’m not really sure. But as someone who has had many strange things happen to them, I’m surprised how many people believe my stories without a second thought. I’m more surprised how many people dig for a deeper reason to unfortunate stories when they happen to females, though. I’ve always been taken at my word. I’ve never had to give much of an explanation. Nobody has ever accused me of being over-dramatic, misinterpreting, misremembering, or anything else. I’ve also never been accused of making it up or straight up lying.
Watching the news over the past couple years has been extremely enlightening, especially as I’ve compared it to my life. There was Bill Cosby, Brock Turner, Donald Trump, and now Judge Kavanaugh. All have been accused of sexual misconduct, and only the former two have suffered any consequences. The Kavanaugh example is the most unique to me, as the victim appeared before the senate to give testimony and was met with mixed reception. While I understand the official protocol is different than normal civilian life, the public responses the whole situation brought forth was interesting. People are awfully quick to condemn the women, in each of the examples listed, or at least bring forth quite the scrutiny with their questions. It’s strange to me that I’ve never experienced that.
Maybe #Believeher is difficult to reconcile with “innocent until proven guilty”. But, maybe not all of us are our own private court rooms, either. Due process has its place in the courtrooms, but victims are not brought to courtrooms by the skeptics, but by those who believe them and have a sense of compassion and justice about them. I have never, in my entire life, seen someone support a victim of a crime during a court trial by saying, “Honestly Judge, we’re just as interested in this outcome as you are!” Neutrality and objectivity remains the place of the judge, but biased is the place of the accuser and the accused. You are no more noble if you claim neutrality and objectivity in the face of a victim, you’re just heartless. One is either with the victim or against them – and one side will be vindicated when the Judge makes his ruling. Perhaps there will be times when the victim is, in fact, the aggressor. The potential, which is astoundingly small, of someone playing the victim in order to harm another should not turn you away from supporting victims altogether. As the saying goes, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” Don’t be the skeptic that grills the victim with questions – you’re not the judge. Take a lesson from Job, be a good friend, believe someone when they say they’ve been harassed, raped, or something along those lines. Let the Judge and Jury carry the weight of skepticism.
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