At the time of writing this blog I am sitting outside of the secondary venue at the Keswick Conference in the Lake District of England waiting for the main speaker to begin his sermon. I just listened to an older white guy warm up the crowd with a vigorously spoken word concerning God’s preeminence over all creation. It was an interesting and unexpected mishmash of cultural style that, despite being hampered by the lagging video relay, seemed to impact the audience. I guess this kind of thing typifies the Keswick experience. The week long program seems to cater to all ages and approaches to learning and worship. The different program tracks offer many things from serious apologetics to light hearted comedic acting, all centred on the gospel message.
As I struggle to pay attention to the speaker, I feel like I am engaging in a habit I have developed over the past few years, being immersed in an intense PhD program. I find this habit rears its ugly head when I come into contact with most types of ministries (either church related or para-church non-profits) and I would like to coin the term that I believe aptly describes my state of mind. And this term is…. “Critiqueomania.” [I’m assuming I am the first to invent this term as I have done extensive research that consisted of a Google search that came up with zero results].
So what is Critiqueomania? I’m glad you asked! If I were to write a Wikipedia article to cite in order to define this word, it would say something along the following lines:
Critiqueomania is the tendency by budding scholars in the Divinity fields (Biblical Studies, Systematic Theology, Ethics, Practical Theology, etc.) to engage in a church or para-church ministry and effectively cripple the Holy Spirit’s ability to work in their lives due to an obsessive preoccupation with faults, inconsistencies, or other imperfections they perceive to be taking place in association with this ministry.
A few examples of possible Critiqueomaniaesque reactions (to elements of a typical Sunday morning worship service) might suffice to help in understanding if you, along with myself, suffer from this debilitating affliction of Critiqueomania:
- During the worship service you find yourself aghast at the fact that the worship pastor has the audacity to lead others in a rousing rendition of “Bless the Lord Oh My Soul,” completely oblivious to the fact that the existence of the soul itself is highly debatable.
- You consider the children’s sermon pedantic at best and, despite his/her best attempt to explain the nature of the triune God in terms a 5 year old can understand, the pastor’s lack of proper theological training is revealed in his/her comparison of the trinity to a three-leaf clover. This comparison would have labelled her/him as a heretic by most of the sainted church fathers (except for St. Patrick who was too busy kicking all the snakes of Ireland into the ocean to come up with anything better).
- You (in your sophisticated scholarly splendour) recognise that the Pastor, while giving the sermon, has the gall to not only mispronounce the Greek word he/she uses to provide scholarly backup to his/her main point but also fails to accurately express the extent of the Second Temple Jewish background that is necessary to begin comprehension of this word. In doing so he has unwittingly favoured a methodologically flawed and outdated definition that current research has, in the last 50 years, undoubtedly disproven and effectively dismissed.
- You (with your impeccable adherence to a distinct linguistical acumen) observe that the pastor has, quite mistakenly, translated Phil. 3.9’s Greek prepositional phrase διὰ πίστεως Χριστοῦ with a Subjective, Objective, Conjunctive, Adjudicative, Speculative, (etc.) Genitive, effectively avoiding the obvious covenantal parallels prevalent in the text. He/she is obviously a secretive closet [Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, Nestorian] who is secretly trying to undermine sound doctrines found in the Westminsterniceanapostolic Creed to which every true “Christian” church unabashedly subscribes.
- You witness (with your keen ear for liturgical inconsistencies), during the benedictory blessing, an elder of the church (who is shockingly also a !woman!) engage in an unforgivable deviation from the traditional Aaronic Blessing of the OT. Who cares that she has taken the spiritual needs of the congregation in mind by asking God to reveal himself and his work in nature to individuals of the church as they go throughout their day. She has obviously incorporated New Age philosophy into her theological outlook and needs an immediate re-catechismalization if you [you, of course, means the Church in general] are to ever trust her to stand in front of the congregation and speak (let alone teach!) ever again.
- You are dismayed that, on your way out the door, no one: greeted you, asked your professional scholarly opinion about the sermon, fawned over your obvious intelligence, or expressed even a remote interest in reading your most recent paper about the prevalent role of donkey bones in Ancient Near East cultic marriage rituals. How could you deign to attend such a gathering of this sort, made up of obviously anti-intellectual individuals that do not respect your God-given talent!
I’m sure there are many more indications of the pitfalls of Critiqueomania but, since I have already missed half of the sermon, I should probably end it here and pretend to pay attention. Maybe later I’ll engage in some introspective time and attend to the Holy Spirit’s work in my life….. or maybe I’ll just find another like-minded individual and complain about how the conference doesn’t meet my perfectly reasonable expectations.
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