I have been learning about how to improve myself in regards to building habits, setting goals, and achieving goals recently. I just got engaged almost a month ago now and I realized that if I want to be a reliable and competent husband, and just a reliable and competent person in general, then I must work at it. Natural and unchecked tendencies can only carry a person so far, such as a natural sense of direction is only so reliable the longer the trip goes on. So I have been asking around and finding general self-improvement books (most notably The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy) that are aimed at teaching people the how of improvement. What surprised me the most was that the methods are not subject specific. The Compound Effect is primarily concerned with the concept of compounding interest. However, the author draws out of the concept something far more holistic and generally applicable.
The author hones in on creating small, consistent habits where the benefits are not immediately noticeable but ultimately lead to major payoffs. A cute example Hardy gives involves his wife: for an entire year, Hardy sets aside fifteen or so minutes per day to write in a journal something he appreciates about his wife that day. By the end of the year, he realizes how much his perspective on his wife has improved (not that it was bad by any means before), and admits to having fallen more in love with her than he ever had up to that point. Additionally, he gives his wife the journal as a Christmas present and she is absolutely blown away with her husband. The big focus here is that he just showed up every day, gave fifteen minutes to positively focusing on things about his wife, and in just a year’s time it had lead to them being in the most thriving season of their marriage yet.
The great take away’s from Hardy’s story are: 1) Small adjustments add up and 2) Showing up is most of the battle. While I naturally had this approach during my two years of Greek in undergrad, it was not a concept that permeated my life. I always would try to make large changes at once. When I wanted to lose weight, it was hitting the gym 5 times a week and cutting out food in stupid ways. When I wanted to be better about reading my Bible, I would read through five or more books in a single sitting of eight to ten hours. None of those things were sustainable. I wasn’t successful in the gym until I did something I enjoyed (Powerlifting) starting at a moderate 2-3 days per week. Similarly, when it comes to maturing spiritually, I’m convinced that the smallest habits will make the for the biggest growth. I know I won’t wake up one day and suddenly be able to not get upset with bad situations, but I know that if I dedicate five minutes a day to writing down things I’m grateful for then I’m going to eventually mature by having a more grateful attitude towards God and the people in my life.
So what is the take away from this? Pick up a book. You don’t have to read it all in one sitting. Dedicate yourself to ten pages a day, and do it consistently. There’s a good deal of people who are wiser than you or I, and a whole lot of opportunities to draw from them, we just have to show up.
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