The End of Friendship

The other day I stumbled across Aristotle’s types of friendship.  Aristotle noted that there are three forms of friendship: utility, pleasure, and virtue.  A friendship based on utility is one in which both parties benefit or gain something from the relationship, like business partners.  A friendship based on pleasure is one in which both parties find the other person maximizes their own pleasure, like two friends who enjoy each other’s wit and humor.  A friendship based on virtue is one in which both parties pursue goodness together.  The first two forms of friendship are accidental and primarily self-serving – each party is in the relationship because they get something out of it.  But a friendship founded and based in pursuit of a common good is one where both parties benefit and is not primarily self-serving. In fact, a virtuous friendship bears fruit in the world.

Sounds like a pretty simple breakdown of friendships, but I found myself floored.  I suddenly saw my high school students world in a whole new light – I felt as if I became reacquainted with our culture in ways I never could have expected. I realized that my students and our larger culture have lived in utilitarian and pleasure based friendships, all the while forsaking relationships that pursue a common good.  I recalled stories from students of “supposed” friends who had called them out on something, or friends they had confronted on a certain issue, only to see the relationship fall apart. If confrontation or accountability leads to a loss of friendships, then why try to hold people to a standard?  Let’s just have fun!  Just this morning, I heard about a conference for LGBT video gamers who feel like they don’t fit in with the larger gaming society.  How much more fracturing and splintering of society will happen before we realize that maybe the virtue of hospitality and commitment actually means we stick together when its uncomfortable, rather than create a whole new sub community?

What is the goal we are pursuing with our friends?  Are we even pursuing a goal?  Is it just our own pleasure?  Or is there a common good we are reaching for together?  I wonder if some of the vitriol thrown around in politics and media is due to the fact that we’ve lost a common good to pursue?  If we’re all pursuing happiness, and your form of happiness clashes with my form of happiness, maybe happiness isn’t as common of a good as thought it was?

I think this is fertile ground for the Church to step into, for we know the end to which we are headed – new creation! I wonder what might happen if we as a church took seriously our friendships with one another and the pursuit of God’s new creation?