This week I thought that I would share some of my expert tips on that all important station in life, fatherhood. There are plenty of blogs out there that will tell you how to be a better dad by doing things like hugging your kids more and using positive reinforcement. My purpose in this instance is a bit different. I am here to share 3 of my time tested and, some might say, spectacular tips to survive a busy week of fatherhood somewhat intact.
- The Sock and Undies Bin. This Centrally located bin (or any large container) holds all of the family’s socks and undies. Basically, you take these clothes items off the line (or out of the clothes dryer if you live in a civilized country that is not Scotland) and throw them directly into a large bin. Who would want to waste time sorting out socks or folding undies when you can have a general repository for these time wasting items of clothing? Every morning I direct my boys to head to the socks and undies bin and clothe themselves appropriately with whatever they can find. There are some potential downsides to this method. One notable instance found my 12 year old wearing my 7 year old’s Iron Man undies in what can only be described as an uncomfortable happenstance. However, these are valuable life lessons that build character and discernment. There is only so much you can teach a pre-teenager before they tune you out and have to learn the hard way what chaffing is all about.
- The Smorgasbord. Wikipedia, that bastion of irrefutable knowledge, defines a Smorgasbord as “a type of Scandinavian meal, originating in Sweden, served buffet-style with multiple hot and cold dishes of various foods on a table.” My version is, I would like to say, a bit more practically refined. Like any great meal prepared by the finest chefs, this also, is a process. Some detective work and mid-level math (or maths if you are from the UK) skills are necessary to pull this one off. Step 1: Go to the freezer and find any frozen type of food that requires roughly the same amount of cooking time at the same temperature level and make a stack of these items on as many cooking sheets as possible. Things like fish fingers, chicken nuggets, potato wedges, garlic bread, and Chicken Kievs work best. Step 2: Throw them all in a multi-levelled oven and let them cook. This may require some fancy timing as you remove some items, flip others over half-way through the cooking time, leave some in longer to finish, and change temperatures. However, dads are expected to be the hunters and gatherers of the family and a few oven machinations are the least we can do to fit that age-old role in our kid’s lives. Step 3: Centrally locate one plate stacked as high as possible with all of the food you have just skilfully cooked, one plate with a palette of different dipping sauces, a few paper towels for the common mishaps, and you are good to go! Don’t forget, absolutely no utensils!
- Tent Town. Tent town is a modern day social utopia that consists of every blanket, towel, sheet, and duvet that you own completely covering your living room. This unique structure is usually held barely in place with clotheslines, pins, and (if available) clamps of any shape and form. In fact, the reality that tent town could collapse at any second (especially if you have a rampaging dog that has a penchant for causing chaos) brings an element of mystery and Indiana-Jones-type adventure to the whole process. Tent town is a well-deserved privilege for children that have managed not to burn the house down or break any of their own bones while you are watching them. An overnight stay in tent town is the ultimate reward and will elevate you to the status of Awesome Dad in your kid’s eye for weeks to come. Secret strategy: Tent town can also be used to “trick” your kids into cleaning up the living room.
I hope you have enjoyed these 3 expert dad tips! I’d love to hear what you think and if you have any tips of your own!
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