When my brother entered our house last Thursday night, he was impressed. Our house was clean. Not just tidy, but actually clean. We scrubbed, dusted, de-cluttered, de-catted, even steam-mopped. Yeah. That happened. Our preparation for his long-distance girlfriend’s arrival was intentional and meticulous. We spent several hours a day for three days cleaning as much of our house as we could so that she would feel comfortable and welcomed during her stay with us.
This also happens to be one of the busiest weeks we’ve had in a while when it comes to inviting people over for meals. Between hosting an overnight guest, Bible study group and families for fellowship meals, it’s as though we’re living out the Romans 12:13 command to practice hospitality with intensity—not just showing hospitality but seeking it out and pursuing it.
The whole process of preparing for guests has gotten me thinking about the nature of hospitality. It’s something that we read about in Scripture, that we’re supposed to practice as Christ-followers, but that we can approach from various perspectives, sometimes losing sight of why we’re doing it. I’d like to explore three different attitudes I’ve observed when it comes to hospitality: the Martha Stewart, the “Member-of-the-Family,” and the Mary and Martha.
The Martha Stewart
For decades now, Martha Stewart has been a name that is synonymous with high quality entertaining. Her magazines, television shows, and various retail lines are all geared toward helping the modern household tackle the art of entertaining—and, as her magazine title suggests, living—with confidence and style. She wants her readers to know the best way to do everything, from opening a pomegranate to folding a fitted sheet.
It seems to me that the Martha Stewart culture (which has its roots in much older traditions but has affected contemporary American culture more than we realize, I believe) has turned hospitality into entertaining, which can be a very host-centered, rather than guest-centered, endeavor. Under the guise of creating a warm environment for our guests with thoughtful touches, those of us who subscribe to Martha’s methods may be elaborately showing off our DIY prowess in a way that can be more intimidating than inviting.
The Member-of-the-Family
On the other side of the spectrum is the host who does nothing to prepare, who simply invites guests into the mess as honorary members of the family. You don’t meticulously clean for family (unless it’s your in-laws, right?). Family can take a mess. Family doesn’t expect white glove treatment. But there is a distinction between warmly inviting someone in without pretense and making one feel uncomfortable because of an inhospitable environment. Hospitality seems to call us to make some sort of effort to make a guest feel at ease. Hospitality implies an attitude of service toward our guests, one which might compel us to put away the laundry and sweep the floor.
The Mary and Martha
In discussions about hospitality amongst Jesus-followers, I have often heard the discussion framed by the account of Jesus’ interaction with Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Martha, the text notes, “welcomed him into her house” (Lk. 10:38b). That sounds like hospitality. “And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching,” Luke adds (10:39). That also sounds like hospitality. Martha’s preoccupation with serving apparently did not stem from a cheerful heart, for she was complaining to her guest and entreating him to help her resolve her tension (thus being self-focused rather than Jesus/guest-focused). Jesus helps her reframe her thinking about what was really important in that situation: “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” (Lk. 10:42).
Rather than looking to cultural norms or even those who interacted with Jesus for insight into the art of hospitality, we ought to look to Jesus himself. It was he who practiced hospitality that was grounded in service and humility as he donned a towel and washed his disciples’ feet in the Upper Room (John 13:1-5ff). He did so as an example to them of the kind of attitude they should have toward one another:
When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. (Jn. 13:12-15)
As we are called to practice hospitality toward one another in God’s family, and given the opportunity to invite those outside of the household of God into an experience of His community, let’s do so with cheerful, willing hearts that are bent on walking the line between an overblown production and an afterthought. If we’re keen on serving our guests and putting their needs first, we need to consider what will make them feel cared for and respected.
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