Last year, I started “Girl Time with Calvin” on our High School’s Winter Retreat, which was basically a fun way for me to sit down with the female senior class and hang out with them. Girl Time with Calvin consists of me talking with them and answering any questions they have about life, love, and God. Much to my surprise, it’s caught on, so that this year, the senior girls were adamant about making space for Girl Time with Calvin.
When I initially suggested Girl Time with Calvin, I imagined that the girls would ask me advice for different situations in their life – advice on dating, tips for life in college, or ways to navigate the transition from adolescence to adulthood. I envisioned our conversations would be me giving them insights that I’ve gained about life.
Instead, they mostly asked me questions about my life. They asked me how my wife and I first met, how I knew I wanted to marry her. They asked me about my family and about my relationship with my brother. They asked me about my experience in college and the moments that stood out to me. It seemed that, more than wanting advice about life, they wanted to know more of me. They wanted to have a relationship with me. In that moment, I had a choice. I could either hold back the parts of my self that I believe to be less than stellar, or I could share my life with these youth, warts and all. I could be honest and forthright or present the packaged version of myself. I chose honesty. And I’ve discovered that truly sharing myself with youth is the greatest gift I can give them.
I used to think that the greatest gift I could give them were the truths of Scripture I learned in seminary or the insights I had gleamed about God from my study. Or I believed that the greatest gift I could give the youth was tips on how to navigate the tension between living in the world and living for Christ. Or I thought that the greatest gift I could give was exposure to various Christian practices that have shaped and formed the church over it’s history. Or I was adamant that giving youth Jesus was the best gift I could give them.
But in reality, if the youth in my group don’t think I care for them, or don’t feel connected to me, they won’t hear what I have to say. They may listen, but it won’t take root. And if I tell students how to navigate life between church and world, making it seem as if I have it figured out, I may unintentionally lead students to believe that I still don’t wrestle with that tension. And I can’t give youth Jesus. He’s not mine to give away. Only He can make himself known to them.*
But I’ve realized it’s not an either/or situation – either Scripture or myself. In reality, when I share myself with youth, everything else comes with it. In sharing myself with students, they see how I live with Jesus day in and day out, the practices that nourish my walk with Jesus. When I am honest with them, they see how I’m navigating the tension between Christ and world. When I am open with them, they see Jesus in me. Truth is not something I give away, truth becomes embodied in my very flesh.
When we look to Jesus, we see that he himself was God’s greatest gift to us. Yes, his life, death, and resurrection brought salvation and eternal life to all who call on him. But ultimately, Jesus was God’s gift to us. God gave us himself. Not advice. Not insight. Not tips or tricks. Himself. And when we get Jesus, we get everything else.
I believe youth leaders, and really all Christians, are called to follow Jesus in this incarnational way of living. Christ lives in us and when we truly share ourselves with others, not presenting a pre-packaged facade, but baring ourselves, scars and all, Christ makes himself know through us.
For me, this has begun to change the way I think about life with youth. When they ask me how I’m doing, I really tell them. When we share prayer requests, I mention that my wife and I had a fight and it’s been bothering me. Or I say that I’m struggling with doubt. Or that I really want a deeper desire for Jesus. And I’ve noticed that my honesty, my openness, has led to their honesty and openness, and in all of it, Christ has been present.
*One might argue that I can give the Holy Spirit, per Peter’s statement in Acts, “Silver and gold I don’t have, but what I do, I give to you.” I think this is more a reflection of the Pentecost season than a paradigm for all future ministry.
1 Comment
Leave your reply.