In recent years, authenticity has become both an ideal and a polemic. Social media users have labored to capture the mundane in beautiful ways. However, social media users have also distorted and feigned authenticity by staging the mundane. Filters and iconic captions have been used to present a particular style of life that is filled with explorations into nature, scenic mountaintop picnics, urban renewal (and gentrification), and lots and lots of coffee. However, most people don’t spend their whole life sipping on certified, fair-trade, organic, artisanal lattes on the back of a motorcycle in the mountains (Unless of course, you live in the Pacific North West). Huffington Post recently shed light on an Instagram account entitled “Socality Barbie”. The sole purpose of this account is to recreate the false authenticity of particular social media users by means of a barbie and staged photos. This account now has 1.3 million followers with several accounts following in its footsteps. The point made here is that people are very quick to sense a false authenticity in our culture. The “Hipster” culture started out with trying to run against the grain — to be authentic and real as opposed to the mass produced fashion and lifestyles of capitalism. Now, it has deteriorated into the very thing it fought so hard to separate from. As a culture, we have lost our ability to be authentic; we have lost our ability to be real.
Unfortunately, I believe that this loss of authenticity has filtered into how we relate within the Church and how we relate to God himself. We experience guilt and shame due to our sinful actions and thoughts and instead of confessing them, we hide. “Good” is our go to response for everything. Public confession and being “authentic” in the church is definitely a passion of mine, but it must be saved for another time. I believe we hide our faults and sins from one another because we don’t believe we can show them to God. How are we to be real with people if we cant even be real with God? I find in my own prayer life that I suppress thoughts that I am not “supposed” to have. I tend to stage my thought life so God sees me how I want to be seen. I often use theology and scripture to mask, cover, and hide my true self because deep down I can’t handle my guilt, my shame, and my realization that I am just not that perfect. I am acting just like my first parents in the garden as they hid their nakedness from each other and from God.
If we are to be authentic in our daily life, we must daily be authentic with God. It is only when we open ourselves up to our Father, that we are able to be open and honest with each other. Unfortunately, many people do not believe they can let God in on their life. Regardless of their theology, regardless of their knowledge that the Spirit dwells inside them and knows them intimately, they try to hide the ugly parts of their soul from their Maker.
Psalm 44 gives us a template for authenticity. It is a little long for a critical exegesis but in essence the Psalm can be divided into three parts:
Verses 1-8 explains the theology of the Psalmist. God has acted in mighty ways in history. He has delivered his people from slavery and drove out evil from their midst. It was him and his hand that saved them from their enemies. For this, the Psalmist will give praise eternally.
Selah — a big deep breath. Here, we feel the tension
Verses 9-22 now turns to the reality of what the Psalmist feels.
But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies. You have made us turn back from the foe, and those who hate us have gotten spoil. You have made us like sheep for slaughter and have scattered us among the nations. (Psalms 44:9-11 ESV)
All this has come upon us, though we have not forgotten you, and we have not been false to your covenant. Our heart has not turned back, nor have our steps departed from your way; yet you have broken us in the place of jackals and covered us with the shadow of death. If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart. Yet for your sake we are killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered… (Psalms 44:17-22 ESV)
Here are the thoughts of the Psalmist, and they are ugly. He is blaming God. He is angry, and hurt, and confused. These thoughts seem to contradict his previously stated theology. When read aloud, the reader is quite aware of the emotions being presented. Here, the Psalmist is real with God. He is opening all of his thoughts to his Father — even the dirty ones. This might as well be the Psalmist cussing out God in his prayer.
Verses 23 -26 ends the Psalm in a strange and angry petition. In essence, the Psalmist cries, “Wake up God and do something because you told me that you were full of loving kindness!” You can almost sense the disbelief in this statement.
Psalm 44 is a Psalm that reveals the true heart with all of its evil, disbelief, and emotions. Yet, this Psalm is in our scripture. In it, we observe the Psalmist struggling to understand his situation in light of his theology. This must serve as a template for us in prayer. Like the Psalmist, we are able to be real, authentic, and honest with God in our prayers. We need not hide our true emotions, our true thoughts, and our true feelings from God. If there is anyone in the universe who can handle our frustrations, our disbelief, and even our hatred, it is our Maker and our Father.
We must learn this authenticity. The Spirit of God lives inside us; He knows our hearts and our thoughts. He invites us into conversation with him. Tell him about how you don’t believe in his word. Tell Him how you don’t think he is good. Tell him about how you feel rejected by him. The Spirit can handle all of you, even the guilt and shame you cannot bear.
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