Walking with Grief

This past week, I had a few conversations with people who have recently lost loved ones or communities. Grief is always a difficult thing to talk about. The loss of a person who is dear to someone’s life or a loss of a community due to moving or other circumstances is so deeply painful. Our fast-paced modern-day culture often does not give space for grief as we can so easily distract ourselves from facing these difficult feelings of loss with technology, activities, work, school, and other busyness. While we sometimes need to compartmentalize to survive and to continue living, we also need to intentionally create space and allow ourselves to grieve, which also allows us to remember our loved one and how deeply they impacted our lives. It can be scary to face the reality that our loved ones our gone, and the deep pain that can sometimes feel so overwhelming.

It’s also interesting walking with others who are grieving. Their grief reminds me of my losses as I empathize with their grief, and I remember my loved ones who have passed, or the different seasons that have come and gone, or the different communities that I have been a part of, and am no longer. It’s that feeling of loss, of missing a loved one, or a community, or a season. I have to intentionally remind myself that it’s o.k. to feel the sadness and the pain of loss. Grief is part of living in a fallen world. I also have to remember that everyone grieves in different ways, and that I cannot compare myself to others in this process. It’s also good to remember that  I have gone through different seasons of grief and survived.

After going through some times of deep grieving, I also know that in the midst of it all, God is present and near. Even through the pain, He is always there. Jesus also fully understands grief, as the shortest verse in the Bible says, “Jesus wept.” When Lazarus died, Jesus felt the loss of his dear friend. Despite knowing that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, in the moment of loss, Jesus wept. In the same way, even if we know that our loved ones are in heaven, and in a better place, we can still feel the pain of the loss.

Yet, as believers, we also grieve with hope as it says in 1 Thessalonians 4:13. Because of Christ’s resurrection, we know that death is not the end, and that one day, we will be reunited with our loved ones who were believers one day. I’m grateful for this truth, and as Paul exhorted the early church to “encourage one another with these words” (1 Thess. 4:18).

A poem that has helped me remember to walk slowly and make space for grief is  “Walking with Grief” from The Celtic Daily Prayer Book by the Northumbria Community:

Do not hurry
as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.

Walk slowly,
pausing often:
do not hurry
as you walk with grief.

Be not disturbed
by memories that come unbidden.
Swiftly forgive;
and let Christ speak for you
unspoken words.
Unfinished conversation
will be resolved in Him.
Be not disturbed.

Be gentle with the one
who walks with grief.
If it is you,
be gentle with yourself.
Swiftly forgive;
walk slowly,
pausing often.

Take time, be gentle
as you walk with grief.